When I don't want to…

So this morning (and I will admit, several other mornings before today), as I was speaking with God I asked Him to give me the direction I needed….RED FLASHING NEON SIGN kind of direction (Alexa I know you understand). I wasn't sure where I was going to services, but decided shortly after this conversation with God.

Well, I KNEW this was something He was working on because all at once I DIDN'T WANT TO GO ANYWHERE FOR SERVICE! When this attitude of resistance happens, I KNOW I am supposed to be at the place I am not wanting to go.

I shower, get dressed, leave, show up at the church and this is the first thing I see:

• Strongholds are lies that the devil has ingrained so deeply in your mind and in your belief system that they now exert power over certain areas of your life. ~~Rick Renner
• A stronghold is a mind-set that accepts a situation as unchangeable, even though that situation is contrary to the will of God. ~~Dr. Tony Evans

It was revealed to me today (and a few other times before today) that doubt, anxiety and worry are sins. I can honestly say, I sin daily. I have sinned so much in this area, they are now strongholds based on the above definitions. So with the below prayer and your help, I am confessing and rebuking my sin.

James 5:13-16 (NIV)

The Prayer of Faith

Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

I am claiming this sin in my life to be gone. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth!

To continue with the service:

Yes, that same service I was resisting initially.

I have also been asking God for more "meat and potatoes" kinds of word. I have been digging into scripture more and craving His word. Well, this was the last part of the service:

• Bring me plain, scriptural proof for your assertion, or I cannot allow it. ~~John Wesley
• You are in danger of enthusiasm* every hour if you depart ever so little from Scripture. ~~John Wesley

*emotion based reasoning, is how the pastor defined enthusiasm - makes sense to me

God gave me that RED FLASHING NEON SIGN several times today. I am grateful. I must remember: When I don't want to…. is usually when I NEED to.

I love you all. Thank you for listening to my ramblings, keep me in your prayers.

Lukewarm? Hot? Cold?

Revelation 3:15-17
I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm-neither hot nor cold-I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.

When Christ calls us He does NOT want us to be a fan, He is seeking followers.

Following Jesus looks a little different than merely being a fan, sitting on the sidelines and cheering His team on. Following Him means we are willing to get out on the playing field, defend Him, tackle the enemy, make a mad dash for the goal line as we are being chased by the opposing team trying to tear us down, calling plays that are "outside of the box" and working together for His glory.

He tells us in the above verse: I WISH YOU WERE ONE OR THE OTHER! To me He is saying: I would rather you turn against me OR be on fire for me than to be sitting on the sidelines DOING NOTHING to help my kingdom!

Whew, what a choice to make! There are days I just want to sit idly on the sideline with a pompom in my hand and cheer on His team, yet those are usually the days I don't have a choice but to get down on the field (sometimes in my 'nice' clothes) and battle some demons who are trying to kill, steal and destroy! Do I always make this choice? NO! I am human! I err! I fail Him miserably at times! Guess what?

HE LOVES ME ANYWAY and calls me again....Tajuan, here I am. I am waiting. My team needs you. I will wait as long as necessary, because I love you.

He loves me anyway? He waits on me? His team needs me? Me? Really?

Yes, YOU.

Today, I am a follower. I cannot promise what I will do tomorrow, but today I feel His undying, never-ending, all-consuming grace, love and mercy. I am not worthy by any human standards to be on His team. Yet, by His blood I am made worthy to be on His team and HE WANTS ME THERE!

Guess what?

He wants YOU too! Today.....ARE YOU LUKEWARM? HOT? COLD?

Lisa teaches many...

Psalm 92:12

The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon...

While talking to my mentor, spiritual leader, dear friend and sister the other day she shared with me the above verse God gave her for a sermon in Tuscaloosa....

I want to be so rooted in Our Lord, I can bend like the palm tree in the storm and 

when the storm is over, stand upright again.

I want to seek Him with such strength, 

my arms reach as high as the cedar of Lebanon trying to touch Him!

Thank you Lisa, for loving me and teaching me how Our Lord loves His princesses and regardless of any of our past experiences, we are His brides. He has so much in store for you. Many people are blessed because of your obedience and faithfulness to Our King!

Thank you for spreading the love of Jesus Christ.

I love you.

Psalm 92:12

The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon...

He Uses Birds....

    On my front porch we have filled the hummingbird feeder with sugar water due to a visiting female hummingbird. Since adding the water, we have 2 more coming to feed; one is a baby (teeny-tiny) and another female, yet a different color than the first.

Hummingbirds are the smallest birds in the world, with the bee hummingbird being about 5.5 cm long. As I have seen in the past few days the hummingbird is also very protective of their territory and will chase other birds....much larger than them. 

This reminds me of the verses:

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, wether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. ~~ Philippians 4:12-13

These small birds have strength in Him. I should always trust His strength too.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or read or store away in barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? ~~ Matthew 6:25-27

He takes care of the birds, why should I worry if He will take care of me?

God uses His creatures to teach us and remind us. Thank you Lord for reminding me. Amen.

His Grace.

"Lord I crawled across the barrenness to you with my empty cup uncertain in asking any small drop of refreshment. If only I had know you better I'd have come running with a bucket." ~~Nancy Spiegelberg

For many years the prayers I prayed were Prayers of Petition/Supplication/Requests, I was always asking God for something.

• Lord, please rescue me from this...
• Lord, if you do this...I will...
• Lord, I need....
• Lord, I want...
• Lord, please send me....
• Lord, why won't you.....

Today in my walk with Jesus, my prayers tend to be more Prayers of Thanksgiving/Praise and Worship.

• Lord, thank you for healing me.
• Lord, thank you for saving me.
• Lord, thank you for giving me mercy.
• Lord, I honor you, praise you, glorify you.
• Lord, you are my rock and my shield.

Yet, I still undermine God with all of my prayers. I am NOT worthy of His love, mercy and grace. I am undeserving in my own skin and only through Jesus Christ, Our Lord and Savior am I worthy. Regardless of what my prayers are, they are NEVER enough. 

• I CANNOT ask for the abundance He wants me to have, because I cannot fathom it.
• I CANNOT ask for the blessings He wants me to have, because I cannot understand it.
• I CANNOT thank Him enough, because I cannot see it.
• I CANNOT worship Him enough, because I am only human.
• I CANNOT honor Him the way He should be honored, yet He still gives me grace.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God...The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.  (John 1:1, 14 emphasis added)

Today, I ask for a small drop of refreshment and I need to be carrying a bucket for what He provides. Words cannot express the humility and gratitude I have, only because of His grace.

My walks.....

I walked a mile with Pleasure
She chattered all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow
And ne'er a word said she;
But oh, the things I learned from her
When Sorrow walked with me. ~~Robert Browning Hamilton

Truth: I started writing about something else and was led to change it and just share about me. I will walk through the above poem with you....

I walked a mile with Pleasure:

I ignored God, I sought pleasure....regardless of the circumstances, consequences or harm I caused to others.

She chattered all the way:

The obsessive thoughts were allowed to take control.....they were not ignored, the thoughts turned into actions and in most cases the actions were very harmful to myself and others.

But left me none the wiser:

When in my own will...I do NOT learn, I do it all for another glory and it is not the glory of God.

For all she had to say:

She still continues to plague me at times, yes those times are fewer and farther between. The Holy Spirit is now my guardian against her talk.

I walked a mile with Sorrow:

The pain and the sorrow I have experienced is indescribable at times. Sometimes it feels like a movie in my head as opposed to memories I have.

And ne'er a word said she:

There was nothing for her to say....the pain said it all.

But oh, the things I learned from her:

From Sorrow I learned. I learned what NOT to do. I learned pleasure is not always a good thing. I learned pleasure can and most often does result in pain, sometimes horrific. I learned MY way does not work and I learned I want to glorify Him in EVERYTHING.

When Sorrow walked with me:

I sought Our Lord more and I learned this:

Psalm 23 (KJV)

   The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

² He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

³ He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

⁴ Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

⁵ Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

⁶ Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

All of us have experienced pain. All of us have experienced joy. The levels for each are all different. That does not mean one is greater, better, worse, sadder, more profound, more painful or more joyful than anyone else's. Each of us has a testimony we have been GIVEN. I say GIVEN, because many times it was not CHOSEN. Yes, there are things in life we choose which in turn create circumstances, outcomes, benefits, consequences, etc...yet life is a gift and our experiences are GIVEN to further a purpose greater than we can fathom. It is OUR responsibility to walk with Sorrow occasionally, just so God can mold us into a better jar of clay. 

When I let go of Pleasure (the "me" in everything) and embrace the Sorrow...He heals me and refines me to better suit His purpose.

Amen.

The Cost of My Oil

The breaking of the alabaster box and the anointing of the Lord filled the house with the odor, with the sweetest odor. Everyone could smell it. Whenever you meet someone who has really suffered; been limited, gone through things for the Lord, willing to be imprisoned by the Lord, just being satisfied with Him and nothing else, immediately you scent the fragrance. There is a savor of the Lord. Something has been crushed, something has been broken, and there is a resulting odor of sweetness. --Watchman Nee


Alabaster Box Lyrics
The room grew still 
As she made her way to Jesus 
She stumbles through the tears that made her blind 
She felt such pain 
Some spoke in anger 
Heard folks whisper 
There's no place here for her kind 
Still on she came 
Through the shame that flushed her face 
Until at last, she knelt before his feet 
And though she spoke no words 
Everything she said was heard 
As she poured her love for the Master 
From her box of alabaster 

And I've come to pour 
My praise on Him 
Like oil from Mary's alabaster box 
Don't be angry if I wash his feet with my tears 
And I dry them with my hair 
You weren't there the night He found me 
You did not feel what I felt 
When he wrapped his love all around me and 
You don't know the cost of the oil 
In my alabaster box 


I can't forget the way life used to be 
I was a prisoner to the sin that had me bound 
And I spent my days 
Poured my life without measure 
Into a little treasure box 
I'd thought I'd found 
Until the day when Jesus came to me 
And healed my soul 
With the wonder of His touch 
So now I'm giving back to Him 
All the praise He's worthy of 
I've been forgiven 
And that's why 
I love Him so much

And I've come to pour 
My praise on Him 
Like oil from Mary's alabaster box 
Don't be angry if I wash his feet with my tears 
And dry them with my hair (my hair) 
You weren't there the night Jesus found me 
You did not feel what I felt 
When He wrapped his loving arms around me and 
You don't know the cost of the oil 
Oh, you don't know the cost of my praise 
You don't know the cost of the oil 
In my alabaster box


~~I am not sure there is anything left to say for tonight...other than THANK YOU JESUS for accepting my oil. Amen.